Complaint #89373465022347!!
WAHAaaah! I'm falling apart.
This... is not good. At all.
I was in a somewhat of a pretty good mood this morning. I was looking foward to having a really great day, and an amazing evening. I happily jump out of bed at 11:00 AM (which is extrememly rare, I usually crawl out of bed none to happy.) And run into the freezing cold living room where I sat and watched my younger brothers play a video game. After a little while I made lunch, than sat around some more.
It is now 1:39 PM, and I'm in the most revolting mood ever. Somewhere in between those few hours my good mood turned sour. And right now, I'm trying to figure out what in the world happened.
Everything, well, most everything seems horrible. I feel bleh. And I don't want to go to work... which is like, in a few hours.
How is it that one persons mood can swing from a high point to a down low?
Meh. I believe this started when I was really looking foward to watching a movie that I was waiting for to come in the mail (netflix)
I log into the internet to find out that I wont be recieving that movie till tomorrow. Oh yes, silly to get upset over that little thing. But somehow it set off a string of annoyed thoughts about most everything. I "rawr'd" and threw a pillow at the floor which shocked my younger brothers who were commenting on what a good mood I was in.
I started mentally beating myself up. I started thinking of how I am legally ABLE to drive by myself, but me being TO FREAKIN SCARED to DRIVE by myself. Being scared of crashing and my parents having to pay for everything. Now my parents wont allow me to drive by myself because they think I'm to scared to (which is true), and now I have to earn back their trust so I can drive by myself and see Dylan more than just once a week.
Then I started thinking of how much it sucks that I can't see Dylan more. Which, made my mood even worse because if I did drive, I would be able to see him more. But then I don't, so...roar.
Then I started thinking of my homework. And how I'm SO behind in all my work. I only have two more years till I turn 18, and it's frustrating me of HAVING to think of how I can support myself. Then I started thinking of "my future" as my dad so often talks to me about. My "plans for the future" are quite hazy. And I don't really have anything that I want to be when I "grow-up". I think, the only thing that comforted me is that I do have something to look foward to in the future, and I do have somewhat of a goal. I look foward to being with Sachi forever. That is what I look foward to. My goal is to live comfortably in rural Japan. What I really want is to live comfortably in rural Japan WITH Sachi.
That calmed my mood to a certain extent. At least I knew what I want when it came to that.
But then I started thinking of Sachi, and the hopes of seeing him on Saturday. Then it came to mind that I had gotten in trouble and may not be able to go to the mall on the weekend.
...
ah. More evil thoughts.
I think I've complained quite enough for one blog. I'm finished. I know I shouldn't have complained. But it feels better to have unloaded some of my complaints that I keep bottled up inside of me.
I'm not looking for sympathy...I'm just looking for somebody who will listen as I complain. Without saying "Oh Christina, your to negative, think positive. You complain to much, be grateful."
Bleh.
posted by Nichi @ 1:33 PM
1 Comments:
"Oh Christina, your to negative, think positive. You complain to much, be grateful."
People who say shit like that are idiots and are not even worth your time. Negating the copious quantities of fecal matter people hurl at the fan ALL OVER the media and in pathetic little protests, often about even MORE trivial things such as people's choice of sexuality and abortion(which they've poorly dressed up as both important and factual) it's safe to say that there are SOME things in life that ARE fucked up, and if something requires attention, why NOT question people's expectations of you?
If nobody thought about the negative aspects of modern culture, life as a human would be even MORE bleak than it already is. For the type of mindless adult figureheads of authoritarian rule who you probably deal with all the time to encourage you to abandon all logic whilst a "positive attitude" while ignore all of society's shortcomings just so we can all feel better regardless of how thoroughly reality contradicts that way of thinking is QUITE sad.
Fuck, it doesnt feel very good sometimes, but if me and Dylan didnt think of things this painful at such an excessive frequency, you probably would've never felt attracted to him to begin with.
"I believe this started when I was really looking foward to watching a movie that I was waiting for to come in the mail (netflix)"
On the other hand, there are some things that, for the sake of your sanity, you should PROBABLY get over >_>. To me, balance is everything, even though my short temper leaves much to be desired. So in my opinion, you should therefore be both serene AND contemplative.
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