Look who's back, back again.

Wow, it's been a while since I've posted on here. I feel at a lost for words, how can one sum up two years of ones life in a few sentences? I surely can not.
I've loved, lost, learned, laughed and cried...nothing out of the ordinary for a human being to experience during a lifetime.

For factual sake, I'm now eighteen, going on nineteen. Just made it through my first semester in college trying to attain an associates degree in Visual Communications: Multimedia. In other words, I want a piece of paper that says I can do artistic things using various artistical toooolz.

I now know what it is like to fend for ones self out of the comfort of your parents home. I've experienced the beautiful feeling of being in love, and the heartache of not being loved in return. I can now relate to the other college students struggling to finish the project due in three hours with only a couple hours of sleep keeping you going. I sympathize with the adults that work all day and come home just to work some more.
I love and appreciate my family more.
The older I feel, I feel even more younger so.

I still don't know what I'm going to do, but the future sure does look bright :)

Procrastination.

Wish me luck.
Even though I don't deserve it.

I am entering the "Being An American" Essay contest, I discovered it last month when my co-worker thought I might be interested. And so, here I am, a week before the deadline...studying.

Honestly, I could care less right now, I WAS (emphasize on the was) very interested and excited a month ago, but now...meh. But I'll kill myself with regret if I don't just TRY to enter the contest.

The first place winner gets 5,000 dollars. Well, I'm not expecting to do THAT well, but I need to give it a try. So, again, wish me the luck I don't deserve.

Erasing memories is just a click away.

I'm not sure if I should delete all my previous posts before this month. I've changed so much, and I am somewhat embarrassed by my past, but that was my past and I am also "somewhat" attached to it.

lacking creativity.

first day without work.

It's funny that I don't know what to do with myself.
Maybe I'll study, Hm, I think I'd rather re-read Pride and Prejudice.

I'd like to begin anew here.
My blog is going to take a complete turn, due to my different lifestyle, different personality, different....yes.

Any blog post before this point is, well, terribly old.

Welcome the new.

Boiled Eggs.

Heh. Did you know it is possible to burn water? Leave it up to me to figure out what can be burned or not, it's inevitable that I'll find out, some way or another.

Three posts in one day, you can tell I'm very eager to write can't you? It's just to bad I don't know what to write about. Ah well, It'll all come to me in due time. So enjoy the peace while you can.

Good morning!

I've suddenly gotten interested in blogging again.

So prepare yourselves... :)

*Currently in pursuit of happyness*

(Yes, I did spell happiness with a “y“ )

Time continues to go, not stopping for anybody.

It’s funny how one word can change a whole sentence.
And that one sentence can change your whole perspective on a certain thing.

Discussion is closed. (rather, the comment box is disabled)

Going "home"

As most of you well know, I shall be going to the Philippines in May, and shall return back home in June. I am looking forward to the trip. Being able to see my family, and the new house. (Which I find to be unnecessarily big -.- And it looks quite silly among the rundown tin can houses.)

My dad has promised a trip which has our event planner filled. I'm quite looking forward to swimming in the hot springs and beaches, climbing up the mountains, and seeing the rice fields. Then of course there are the lesser things, (well, not really), like: shopping in the surprisingly large malls, going to Manila (the capital) shopping there and exploring the streets. The one thing I am REALLY looking forward to is exploring the Philippines. Me and my father (and whoever decides to come along) are going to travel north, and visit the different provinces. That shall be quite an adventure. Although we do know the language, we dont know ALL the languages. So we might get lost in translation. I'm the type for new things and adventure. So I am definately looking forward to experiencing that.Seeing the family will be nice as well. Everybody should look differently, think differently, and act differently. I really miss having everybody running around me. Since everybody lives in the same house. Although I didn't like it at the time, I kind of miss having my younger cousins hanging onto me, following me, calling out my name, and playing with my hair. I miss eating dinner with over twenty people, than watching tv in tagalog (the main language of the Filipino's). I miss playing football with the guys and arm wrestling them. I miss listening to my girl cousins gossip about the cutest boys at their school, I miss falling over laughing when they tell me the most popular guys at their school has developed a crushes on me. I miss my family. Period.But when I get there...I'm going to really miss having peace and quiet. I'm going to miss my friends. And I'm going to REALLY miss Sachi. Talking to him every night, and seeing him every weekend. This trip shall be bitter sweet. I really wish I could take him along with me. Heh. It'd be funny to see him lost among the sea of black haired short slanty eyed Asian people. Everybody in the Philippines would like, worship him. And I know he would enjoy the trip to South Korea. BAH! I really wish I could take him with me. I love him, and I'm going to miss him so very much.

Well, heh. I'm looking forward to getting there, and coming back. ^.^

Ziggy Boogie Doog.

I apologize for the enigmatic thoughts just up ahead.

To me, it seems that our “society” is divided into two’s. Each side thinking the other side is ‘wrong’. Let me try to make it easier to understand.
Two sides:

One side: Intelligent and independent people. Who try to pull away from being dragged into the “normal flow” of human nature. People who endeavor and are determined to be different.

Other side: People who choose (or in some cases unknowingly choose) to smoothly go along with “the ways of the world”. They set up rule’s and regulations, and expect everybody to follow them without questioning or thinking twice about it. They stumble, they fall over the rule’s that they have set up. But they cover it up by saying “Everybody’s not perfect”

If you break away and declare your independence from the rule’s of society. If you question their way of living and thinking, they automatically try with all their might to shoot you down. At first they sweetly try to coax you back, oh-so-gently, persuasion drenched in honey. If that fails, they take you on an emotional rollercoaster, and throw guilt at your face.
And if that fails as well, they shun you. Call you crazy, and tell you that your missing out.
Usually, the person gives up all hope and faith and decides to join “society” yet again. And “society” welcomes them with open arms. For the feeling of being accepted by your peers is strong. The feeling of being wanted and the feeling of companionship. “Society” offers that and more…with a cherry on top.

The ones who have not given up and turned in their minds to be controlled by people who claim to have graduated from a fancy shmancy expensive college and made something out of themselves. The ones who have not given in are laughed at and made fun of. And likewise the “intelligent“ people laugh at the idiots of “society”. They laugh at the people who cannot think on their own and leave the “choosing and deciding” up to people who are complete nincompoops.
But the people who choose not to be taken in by “society” ever so often lose hope and become depressed. Feeling like they are the only ones.
Some become angry, some start to feel meaningless, and some wish they never were different.
…How sad.

Anyhow, I have realized that “society” is somewhat scared. Scared of NOT having CONTROL over everything and everybody. Because people who CAN think are never afraid to question. And of course “society” doesn’t want that. If there is a person that can point out and show everybody that what they are teaching is wrong, they try to shut up and cut down that person. They WANT people to mindlessly follow along, like sheep quietly being led to the butcher without voicing a complaint.
Why can’t we cultivate our minds and think for ourselves?

This all is unfortunately one-sided. Because of course, I’m in favor of independent thinking and being different. I try to stay away from being “the same”. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe I should just go along with “the flow”. But then, I wouldn’t be the person I am. I’d be a bumbling idiot. Which of course, I don’t want to be.

I’m extremely grateful for meeting Dylan, Jake, Matt, Kimmy, and Edwin who have repeatedly encourage me to be different.
They have saved me from giving in and becoming a girl who uses people for her own purposes.
Ah yes. End of enigmatic thoughts. You may now continue with whatever you were doing before you decided to read my ramblings.

Oh yeah...I forgot to mention that the sky is pink and the grass is always yellow.

Complaint #89373465022347!!

asdjfkkjfu!
WAHAaaah! I'm falling apart.
This... is not good. At all.

I was in a somewhat of a pretty good mood this morning. I was looking foward to having a really great day, and an amazing evening. I happily jump out of bed at 11:00 AM (which is extrememly rare, I usually crawl out of bed none to happy.) And run into the freezing cold living room where I sat and watched my younger brothers play a video game. After a little while I made lunch, than sat around some more.
It is now 1:39 PM, and I'm in the most revolting mood ever. Somewhere in between those few hours my good mood turned sour. And right now, I'm trying to figure out what in the world happened.
Everything, well, most everything seems horrible. I feel bleh. And I don't want to go to work... which is like, in a few hours.
How is it that one persons mood can swing from a high point to a down low?
Meh. I believe this started when I was really looking foward to watching a movie that I was waiting for to come in the mail (netflix)
I log into the internet to find out that I wont be recieving that movie till tomorrow. Oh yes, silly to get upset over that little thing. But somehow it set off a string of annoyed thoughts about most everything. I "rawr'd" and threw a pillow at the floor which shocked my younger brothers who were commenting on what a good mood I was in.
I started mentally beating myself up. I started thinking of how I am legally ABLE to drive by myself, but me being TO FREAKIN SCARED to DRIVE by myself. Being scared of crashing and my parents having to pay for everything. Now my parents wont allow me to drive by myself because they think I'm to scared to (which is true), and now I have to earn back their trust so I can drive by myself and see Dylan more than just once a week.
Then I started thinking of how much it sucks that I can't see Dylan more. Which, made my mood even worse because if I did drive, I would be able to see him more. But then I don't, so...roar.
Then I started thinking of my homework. And how I'm SO behind in all my work. I only have two more years till I turn 18, and it's frustrating me of HAVING to think of how I can support myself. Then I started thinking of "my future" as my dad so often talks to me about. My "plans for the future" are quite hazy. And I don't really have anything that I want to be when I "grow-up". I think, the only thing that comforted me is that I do have something to look foward to in the future, and I do have somewhat of a goal. I look foward to being with Sachi forever. That is what I look foward to. My goal is to live comfortably in rural Japan. What I really want is to live comfortably in rural Japan WITH Sachi.
That calmed my mood to a certain extent. At least I knew what I want when it came to that.
But then I started thinking of Sachi, and the hopes of seeing him on Saturday. Then it came to mind that I had gotten in trouble and may not be able to go to the mall on the weekend.

...

ah. More evil thoughts.

I think I've complained quite enough for one blog. I'm finished. I know I shouldn't have complained. But it feels better to have unloaded some of my complaints that I keep bottled up inside of me.

I'm not looking for sympathy...I'm just looking for somebody who will listen as I complain. Without saying "Oh Christina, your to negative, think positive. You complain to much, be grateful."

Bleh.